Breathless
by SpanishLily
Summary: Is it a really really good friendship or is it just a little more? Naomi and Emily find out how to deal with suddenly feeling a little too much of a friend-crush on your best bud. Based on the song Breathless, by Corrine Bailey Rae.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't the first time we decided to skip out of first period and rest. We were both tired because we had practice the night before and we were supposed to a test of some book we did not even remember to read.

"Why aren't you ready...its 7 am"

"I don't feel like going to English today"

"When DO YOU feel like going to English, woman?"

All the lights in her house were low and you could tell that the house was empty because the doors to both her dad's and brother's bedrooms were wide open and the house was completely quiet.

"I think we ought to sleep a little longer…maybe if I get enough sleep I might be able to make it to concert band in time…"

"That's after lunch, Ems"

"I know" she smiled cheekily. "C'mon…stop being such a prude Naomi…it's just high school. It's not the end of the world."

So she took my bag off my shoulder, pulled off my sweater and sat me down on her bed. Her arms on her shoulder and that smile that just took my breath away forced me give into whatever it was she wanted me to do. She could've told me to go rob a liquor store right now and I may have done it just to be near her.

After a few minutes of taking off my shoes and tucking me into her bed, she ran to the other side, turned down her lights and closed the door. She lay down next to me and smiled and pulled a bit closer and closed her eyes, leaving me with the weirdest sensation all over my body. As if I could scream and run and fly all at the same time. But all I did was lay there. Looked at her for just a minute and then felt awkward and looked elsewhere. I had never been this nervous in my entire life.

After laying there for what could've been hours but certainly were just minutes I heard the noise of a car pulling up the drive way and felt odd.

"Emily…"

"Mmmm…"

"Ems"

She did not respond. Instead she just pulled closer to me and pulled her arm around my waist underneath my shirt and turned her head around.

"Emily" I whispered in her ear. "I think someone is in your house…"

"What?" she mumbled while turning around to look at me.

"I think someone arrived…what if it's your dad…what if he…"

"Chill out Naomi…he never comes into my room…he knows better than that. Now go back to sleep."

Back to sleep? Did she really think I could sleep or that I could've slept while being in bed with her half-naked ass snug on me while her dad was just outside her paper-thin walls, having a phone conversation of some sort?

"I can't do this Emily, I am sorry." I said a bit louder while I moved away from her hurriedly.

"Can't do what?" she got up and looked at me straight in the eyes, as if she did not have the slightest idea why it was that I was so upset about what we were doing.

I stopped for a minute because I couldn't fathom and answer. In my mind I knew there was something going on here that I had never even imagined could go on, but I wasn't gonna talk about it because it was simply…not something I could talk about. Instead I decided to take the coward's way out and spilled out whatever I thought might be a lot less charged that what was really going on.

"I can't just skip class and spend the whole day lounging around like a couple of hoodlums…I am not…I am just not that way, you know. Maybe you and Effy are those kinds of girls…but I'm just…not"

* * *

I hadn't seen Emily in a really long again until my sophomore year of high school when I decided to re-join the school band and she was my section leader. Back then our marching band was so small and unknown that Emily was not just the section leader, but had several many jobs within the band, including the director's secretary. The first few months of the year were just odd to me because I had not only joined everything late but I was also quite possibly the shiest person at Roundview high school.

During rehearsals I spent most of the off times practicing by myself and sometimes with Pandora, which was the only friend I remember from before I had moved. We weren't in the same section, but we stuck together like glue because she was just so innocent and nice and weird…just the kind of person I loved to befriend.

And Emily wasn't really a bad person, she was just so distant and so "holy and mighty" that we never really got to talk too much during that first year. She was off with her sister Katie, her sister's boyfriend Freddy and their friends Cook and Effy. They were the "it" crowd of the entire band…and we certainly were not. This is why I stuck to Panda and her friends and we were nice and geeky and boring. We were just both so very different. I'd say two different worlds apart.

"Campbell, what the fuck is wrong with you?...don't you hear that note is flat?"

"C'mon Katie, stop being a prick…come here Naoms…let's practice it together."

These were the first few private words I had ever heard out of Emily's mouth since the day I met her. Before that she had always addressed me in a group and it was always about the music, or the drill or the show. It wasn't because she was my section leader; I could've bet she did not even know what my name actually was.

"Don't mind my sister…she can be a huge bitch when she wants to be."

"Yeah…" I said with a half a smile, not really knowing what else to say.

"Actually, she can be a bitch pretty much…always" She said laughing out loud. "I sometimes question how it was we were able to share a womb with each other…even if it was just seven and a half months."

That day our conversation did not go further than and except for some questions on part of the music, I just stood there listening and watching Emily play. She was an amazing musician. She got things so easily and was always so on top of it all. Well…when she wanted to, anyway.

* * *

"Look who decided to crawl out of bed this morning…it's the spiff twins…"

"Shut up Effy."

"With the way you two left the party last night I thought you might have been in jail or something like that…where the heck did you all go after the party?"

"Emily took me home" I said moving into the band room and placing my flute case in my locker like I did ever morning.

With an upset look on his face, Kieran shooed Effy, Emily and I away from the center of the room and continued to direct the band until the piece was over. He hated it when someone was late, especially since we were practicing for state finals and we were just a few weeks away from the big day.

Without further hesitation I walked to the other side of the room and sat next to Doug who gave me a troubling look and then smiled at Emily and Effy who were still standing next to Kieran, waiting for the piece to end and join the band as if nothing was wrong.

"I expected this from Effy and Emily, but not from you Naomi…what's going on with you? This is the third time you've missed fourth period, Naomi."

"I know Kay, I am so sorry…I really tried to get Emily to bring me…"

"Emily…"

"Yea…you know she's driving me to school now since my mom got the job downtown…"

"And why not take the bus…get here earlier…rehearse a little….you know we got state's just around the corner…"

"Yes…I know" I said looking at the floor.

"Well, if you keep on pulling these stunts and letting those two get you in trouble Naomi…I am just going to have to pull your solo…"

"No…don't do that Kay, I promise it won't happen anymore."

"Promise?"

"Yes...on my mother's head…I promise."

* * *

I left Kieran's office a bit frazzled and scared to lose the only thing that made me happy lately. After all the things that were happening with mom, the only refuge I had was this solo, the band and hanging out with my friends. The pain that caused all that was happening at home was so much that I would rather spend most of my days and nights avoiding having to go home and see what was really happening with my life.

Dad had come back home once again after years of being away and then one day took off without notice. The impact of this had left mom so sad that she had gone back to drinking and had been fired from her job and was now cleaning houses and cooking for random strangers. We were living my aunt Betty's garage sharing the smallest and least private place you could imagine. I had tried to offer working to help her out but she refused, claiming she wanted me to finish school and go on to college so that I could build a life of my own and never have to rely on anyone else. I commended her for that and I knew she love me. But I could not see mom come home drunk after work every night after work. I would rather flee and not face the truth. I was would rather not face what was happening. The solo was all that was good in my life right now.

"Was Kieran really hard on you?" she said as she saw me sit back in a corner and start to pull out my sheet music."

"He was…Kieran you know…he's worried about state competition and my solo…and I know how much this means to him. I can't blame him for being disappointed."

"What'd he say about your solo?"

"Nothing Emily…can you just let me practice for a while…I am seriously not in the mood to talk to anyone right now."

There was a break in my voice and I knew that she could hear it because she immediately pulled in a chair and took her flute and started to practice along with me. It was odd to sometimes see how much Emily knew about me, especially because we had not really been the greatest friends for so long. But there was something about us two that I had with no one else…even Panda, who I claimed was my very best friend. Ems and I had this chemistry that was undeniable, both on and off the stage. When we played together, or talked or drank and even just drove around in her car…everything seemed just right. Everything was just perfect when Emily Fitch was around.

The bell rang to fifth period and everyone took off to class including myself. Even though Emily had sat and practiced with me I had said but two words to her and packed my stuff and taken off to class before she and Effy had another one of her bright ideas.

Class was boring as usual, but I tried my best not to think of my solo…or of anything else that had been going on the last few days. I was trying to be very attentive to the lesson but after 15 minutes of writing what I thought was notes I looked down at my paper and all I had managed to write down was Freud, Psychosexual Desires and the fanciest drawing of the letter E…possible ever.

"Who is E?" JJ asked looking in my notebook as turned the page to take frantic notes on the sides of his margins.

"E?"

"On your paper…that's all you've managed to write down…an E" he said pointing at my drawing.

"That's not an E" I said, nervously trying to turn my paper around so that he couldn't see it anymore.

"It's not?"

"No…it's an M?"

"An M?" He looked at me as if I were crazy for a minute and then tried to look back at my doodle, that I was obviously covering with my hand.

"Yes…M…for Max…Max from my church group."

"Since when do you go to church group?"

I did not go to church group, at least not anymore. And while Max did exist, he was nowhere even remotely close to being in any space of my mind…even less being the object of my nervous doodle."

"I go to church group…what is it your business whether I do or do not go to church group, Jay…don't you have notes to take or something?"

I pulled my page and folded it in half and put it my pocket to hide it while I pretended to listen to what Mr. Jenkins was saying about Freudian Slips. I essentially told myself that I did not care what JJ thought or did not think about me but I was a bit concerned about the doodle.

It was obvious that I had never and would never have a crush on Maxxie Oliver from my old church group, mostly because he wasn't my type and especially because girls weren't really his. Even more obvious was that I had doodled the letter E (even if I had lied and said it was an M) on my paper because I had not stopped thinking about Emily the entire period, if I tried very very hard to do so.

I took my doodled paper, my books and my flute case and did not even say goodbye to Jay and headed to sixth period where I had civics class with everyone from band…including Emily. I arrived early and sat far off on to the far back of the room and opened my book and ignored all my friends who were having a conversation about Lord knows what. Before I knew it I had Emily, Effy and Panda surrounding me, giving me the third degree about why I was sitting so far away from them. I answered them in one word sentences and when the bell rang they all went back to their chair and I stayed behind with my head in the book, despite the fact that Emily did not stop eyeing me the entire time.

Sixth period seemed long enough as I was trying my best not to look up and for the first time take notes in my class. When the bell rung to leave, I took my books and things and hurried out of the door and practically ran to the bus to go home. For the first time in the last few months I had taken the school bus home instead of leaving with Emily and it felt so sad that I could almost cry.

I did not even know exactly what was wrong with me. She had essentially done nothing that she hadn't done every day for the last few months. Yet I was so scared and puzzled about everything that had been going on that day that I did not even notice her standing at my door while I hurriedly walked from the bus stop.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing…why did you leave so suddenly?….you didn't even let me take you home Naoms…"

"I don't know Emily…I am just…I don't know…tired, y'know…I needed to come here and rest"

"You could've told me that…I would've brought you straight home and you could've lain on my bed…"

"I wanted to come _here_…I wanted to rest…in my own bed…okay?"

"OK, well then I would've brought you here…I just don't understand why you're so pissed off at me all of a sudden…"

I opened the door slowly and walked into the garage where my mom was laying drunk in her pajamas with the TV on way too loud."

"I am not pissed off at you" I whispered to her while I turned off the TV and placed a blanket over my mom. "I am just…I wanna be alone. I am tired and I need to rest."

"Rest _here_?" she said, pointing at the mess that was the little place I was now living in with mom.

"There is nothing wrong with _here"_ I said a bit pissed off. I hated the way she referred to my house, but at the same she was right…I didn't really want to be there at all.

She took my hand and pulled me out of there into a hallway so that we did not disturb my mother's sleep.

"I didn't mean it to sound like that…and you know it Naomi…"

"I know…" I said looking down at the floor ashamed.

"There is nothing wrong with your place…in fact, I actually like it here…I just…I know how much being here reminds you of all that's going on with your mom and your dad leaving…"

"Uh huh."

"I just…I don't like seeing you like this…" She said getting extremely close to me and placing her hand on my cheek while caressing it slightly.

"I am fine" I said dryly. It wasn't that I didn't want her to touch me, but I knew that her touching was having an odd effect on me and I felt as though I would stop breathing at any moment if she kept on touching me that way. So before she could even reply again I moved away from her and start walking back to the door of my place without even looking at her.

She did not expect me to walk away. Ever since we had become friends and even before then I had always sort of abided by everything that Emily did or say, but this time it was different. I knew she was surprised by it all because all she could say was "okay"…and then pulled her keys out of her pocket and stared at me before unlocking her car. She then took a deep breath and turned back around to me and asked something that I certainly was never expecting to hear. Especially because I actually did not know what it was she was referring to.

"Is this about last night?"


	2. Chapter 2

Wednesday night parties were James Cook's specialty since Wednesday was what he called "Hump day"…and everyone knew what that meant.

Cook's Hump day parties were a classic amongst the now close to two-hundred band members as well as everyone else he managed to invite that did not belong to the band but did somehow knew who Cook was.

On Wednesday night's while Kieran and Doug had Army band practice, all the rest of us snuck into the band room thanks to Cook and had a party of our own. The Hump day parties were classics not just because of the drugs, the sex and craziness but because of the military-style clean-up marathon that Cook had everyone assigned to about 30 minutes before school started on Thursday morning. Before the first period bell rang, he and the drum and brass lines would militarily pick up and clean up the band room in such a fashion that Doug and Kieran never expected those boys could do.

In the Hump day parties, something always went down. There was always a fight, a giant hook up…the works. And Emily, Effy, Panda and I always stayed behind to help the boys make sure they did not get them or us in trouble and get us kicked out of our precious competitions.

This time the Hump day party had gone just as planned along with a giant pile of Jamaican drug mix that Thommo had brought back from his visit to see his grandparents.

The stuff was so good that both Emily and I had actually stolen some and gone back into the uniform room to finish it up before anyone would catch us and steal it back.

"Holy shit…" I said laughing so hard I almost peed in my pants. "What the fuck is in this shit?"

"Emily could not hold down the laughter as she saw me truly high for the first time, in…ever…"

Because my mom was an alcoholic and my dad had problems with drugs I always tried holding back from taking more than just a puff or swoop of anything. And this actually came in handy for the girls since I ended being the designated driver for all three of them, and anyone else who fit in Emily's car.

"I don't think you're gonna remember shit that happened today or for like 2 more months after we're done with this shit…" Emily said falling on the floor from her laughter. She found it hilarious to see me even a little buzzed and I certainly was more than just buzzed that night. I was completely gone.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" I said a bit confused about what Emily was referring to.

"You really don't remember…" She said kind of surprised and sort of relieved as she stared straight into my eyes.

"What, that we got wasted off our asses and you had to drive ME home…for the first time ever?"

She smiled and pulled back the hair out of my face and then walked away smiling like I had never seen her before.

"Isn't that what happened?" I said even more puzzled than before, as I followed her back to her car.

"Yea" she said, opening her car door and turning on the engine. "That's what I meant."

I wasn't convinced that this was all that had happened because I knew her. I knew that cheeky smile she had across her lips and I knew that she had to be hiding something from me…or else she wouldn't have mentioned anything.

"Emily Fitch…" I said knocking on her window while she tried pulling the car back from the parking and ignoring the fact that was still standing next to it.

"Naomi Campbell" she said mockingly as she turned and waved goodbye with her hand.

"What the fuck went on last night?" I said yelling out as her car pulled away slowly and she waved goodbye at me without looking.

"What the fuck happened last night?" I said back to myself as I took a deep breath and walked back inside the room where my mom was sleeping.

I wasn't going to let this go. I knew something else had gone on and Emily did not want to tell me. And the worse part of it all was that I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know. Or did I?

* * *

I did not sleep at all the entire night and this was why I was so early to take the bus to school. It was still dark outside and I actually had to have a cup of coffee and a bagel with mom in order to keep myself from falling asleep in school all day.

I walked in the cool breezy morning to bus stop and passed right by the Fitch's house and saw Rob and James having their morning argument about getting James up for school. Emily's car was in the driveway and her room was all dark still and I was tempted to walk over and knock on her door and wake her up from her sleep. But I had promised Kieran that I was going to behave and going to Emily's house on a Friday before competition was just asking for trouble.

"Naomi" I heard from behind as I saw a car pull out of the Fitch's driveway and drive slowly next to me.

"Mr. Fitch"

"I've told you to call me Rob, girl…you're practically family."

Rob was really a great guy and I did not know why it was that Jenna had left him so suddenly. I could only suppose that she was just the kind of woman to leave her husband, daughter and son and venture out in Spain with her mother just because he had made some wrong decisions and had lost the Fitch gym. Within the Fitch divorce the prior year, Emily and James had chosen to stay with Rob, and Katie, of course, had left with Jenna to Spain where she claimed she had more of a chance to meet and eventually get with one of the soccer players she adored so much.

"Can you make sure Emily puts the laundry in the drier before you both go off to school?…I did not have time to finish it up this morning."

"I am actually…I am not going to see Emily now…I am off to catch the bus." I said, pretending to look at my watch and make a gesture at the bus stop."

"Are you mad with Emily or something?" he said kind of perplexed at seeing I wasn't going to be joining his daughter for breakfast like I always did.

"No…no…not at all…I just…I wanted to get to school early and get some practicing done before everyone came in. You know…my solo." I pointed at the flute case in my hand and half smiled to reassure him that all was okay.

"C'mon dads…stop yapping away with Emily's girlfriend…now I'll be late for fucking school…"

"Don't say that word James Fitch…" he said to his son, pretty much ignoring me and waving goodbye as I ran to catch the bus that had just arrived.

I honestly felt really bad about not going in to see that Emily placed all the clothes in the drier for Rob and this was the first thing I said to her when I saw her walk into first period English and in the seat in front of me.

"No I didn't, MOM" She said looking at me and laughing.

"Oh Christ…never compare me to Jenna Fitch, again…"

"It's Jenna Garcia now" she said reminding me that her mom had taken her new husband's last name and did not want anything to do with being a Fitch.

I laughed about Emily's face and we both played around a bit with our chairs while Mr. Ritchie started class. Things seemed like they were okay again and I was certainly in a better mood. But this did not mean that I had forgotten about Emily's comment on what happened during the Hump day party. I knew something was up and I had to find out somehow, but I had to be very careful. I knew that whatever it was, if Emily didn't want to spill her guts it was because it was serious. I knew that I had to be careful who I asked because I was certain not everyone in the Roundview band knew how to keep a secret.

* * *

"So she doesn't know what happened?"

"No…she really doesn't"

"Are you sure? Maybe she's just…Naomi being Naomi…"

"No…she's not. I know she doesn't know…I saw it in her eyes and if she knew…she wouldn't be this cool about it I could assure you, Effy"

"I guess you're right…" Effy took a final toke and handed the joint back to Emily as she got up to walk back to class. "Just make sure if you want her to stay cool, you don't tell Panda anything about it…"

"Don't tell me what?

It was the end of third period and I was clearly very nervous about seeing her again. Though I knew that she really did not know what had gone on two nights before, I was afraid that she would get a feeling from me or that she'd suddenly have a clearing moment and things would be ruined between Naomi and I.

Effy was completely right about Naomi freaking out if she ever really did find out what had gone on between us both in the uniform room. Naomi was Naomi. She was always scared of facing it all. She was always shy and reserved and just plain inhibited by her fear of being who she was. And it was odd seeing her act that way with other people because with me she was always so calm and cool and just…amazing.

She never let herself be seen by anyone else and I understood her fear of opening up. After all that had happened in her life, she was right to be closed off to everything and everyone. That is…everyone except me. With me she was always open and honest. She did not fear being geeky and tell me things straight out. And that night, while we were both a little bit too high on Thommos' Jamaican mix she had opened up to me even more than I had ever imagined. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced.

"You know, you should really smoke weed more often Campbell…you're really a lot more cool when you're high."

"Hey! I am always cool" she said trying to get up from the floor where we were both sitting, passing around a joint.

"Yea…sure you are…"

"You and Effy…you always think I am not cool…and I am a prude and yada yada yada…but you don't know that…you don't know shit I've done…"

"Oh yea" I said, taking another toke…"what sort of shit have you done? Weed is definitely NOT one of them I can assure you… and sex…well…we all KNOW you couldn't have possibly ever been with anyone in your life…Prudy McPrudeness! "

She stopped for a minute and looked me straight in the eyes…

"You know…I don't have to be a slut like you and Effy to prove to anyone what I have or haven't done, alright?" She got up a bit shaky from the floor as she went to leave indignantly, but she could not get up.

"So now you are calling me a slut because I have made out with a few guys on band trips while you and Pandora stay in the room and play Uno all night…"

"A few, Emily?...try 23…"

"What now you're counting how many hook ups I have?"

"Actually I am not…I've lost fucking count at this point…just…you know what…once I can get up from this floor I'll fucking leave this shit hole…I can't stand you sometimes Emily Fitch. "

"Well I can't stand you either…"

I tried getting up as well but Thomma's stuff was really potent and I really couldn't get up, even if I wanted to. After a minute or so we both started getting up together and then fell together back on the floor on top of one another.

"Oh…bitch…you pushed me!" she said really mad at me and trying to get back up but I had my hands on top of her and I was holding her down because I did not want her to leave. We were so close together that I could smell her hair and as I laid there and looked into her eyes I could not stand it anymore. It was too much for me.

"Just shut up and fucking….just fucking…kiss me already…" I said to her no longer holding back.

I held her down and kissed her softly and passionately, like I'd wanted to do for such a long time.

In fact, I could still remember how long it had been since I wanted to do that to her and I had never mustered the strength to do so because I did not want her flee. I knew Naomi. I knew her from the start and I knew that if I had ever remotely come on to her the way I was doing right now while she was sober she had ran away so fast that I had never been able to catch her.

And for a long time I wasn't even sure that these feelings I had been having for her were mutual until that very moment when she was now the one on top of me kissing my neck so sweetly that it was almost as she had been planning it in her head as much as I had.

And suddenly we went from not being able to move, to moving along each other's bodies as swiftly as if we had done this forever. I couldn't help but moan as her lips found my side and then moved down my pelvis in an amazing row of kisses. She knew what to do, she knew how to touch each inch of myself and all I could do was let her. Now that I think about it, she was right all those times she assured Effy and I that she did not have a single bone of prudeness in her entire body.

And we didn't believe her back then, but she was certainly proving it now. She was not that little girl that had walked in late to my section meeting three years before with her short blond hair and her geeky t-shirts. She was now the only person that had ever made love to me…for real. I had never felt the things that Naomi made me feel that night while everyone outside that uniform room was looking for us. And when we were done, I could not help but hold her in my arms and caress her back and kiss her forehead while she fell asleep slightly. It was the most incredible moment of my life with the person that made me feel the most incredible I had ever felt by simply looking at me.

But now she did not know what happened and she truly did not remember what went on. And this was so disconcerting to me. For the first time since I could remember, I actually did not know what to do about any of this. I wanted her to know…I wanted to talk about this. I wanted her to tell me she felt the same way and that this wasn't just a product of the hump day daze.


	3. Chapter 3

"That, was amazing Naomi" Said Doug as he stepped down the podium and handed Kieran the baton So that he could direct the next song.

I was was so relieved that I was able to do it and even more relieved to see Emily's face after all was done. She hadn't stopped looking at me the entire time that I was doing my solo and though this would've made me completely nervous and might have messed me up a few days ago…today her eyes were so focused and reassuring that I almost felt like I was playing it just for her.

After my solo she held my hand and told me in my ear that I was amazing and I could not breath. I guess it may have been partly the excitement of finally getting my solo just the way I wanted, but also partly the fact that Emily looked so proud, I thought she might have just up and kissed me in the cheek when I was done.

"Your girl has done it" Kierean said to Emily as he stepped down the podium to congratulate me after practice was over.

"I told you she could…" said Emily really proudly and she once again held my hand and told me we were going kick ass during the competition tommorow.

It was weird to feel the reassurment in Emily's hand though it wasn't the first time she had held my hand. In fact, Emily was always very touchy-feely and since we had started to become really good friends she was just the kind to come over and give me a hug or a kiss in the cheek for pretty much anything.

The odd part wasn't that Emily was holding my hand but rather the way it felt when she did it. I was still unsure why it was that it all felt so intimate all of a sudden, as if the way she held me had something more to it than just a friendly touch.

And if I were honest, I did not want her to stop touching me and I did not let go of her hand while we both walked to the lockers to lock our instruments up and head over to our last two periods. I may have even held her hand all the way to class if she hadn't let go to put her stuff away before leaving.

"What are you looking at?" She said smiling as she found me staring straight at her while we walked out of the band room to the hallway and back to class.

"Nothing" I said looking down at the floor for a second in shame. I felt my cheeks rose up and blush like crazy while we both separated to go to our particular classes.

"Alright…see you in a bit"

I turned around and felt her still staring at me while I walked away, but I could not look back at her anymore. I could hardly even breath and my heart felt like it was about to jump right out of my chest while I thought about her still looking. I thought I knew why that was but I was afraid to let myself think it. Was it possible to like your best friend so much that you felt like this crazy from her just looking at you? I did not know. But I guess, all and all, I was just about to face those possibilities.

* * *

A band competition during your senior year, for band nerds like us is a big deal. It is part of our identity, especially during the times in which your band has been the talk of the entire state and they are expecting nothing but greatness from your performance.

After the performance I could not contain myself and I once again held Naomi's hand when we stood up to bow to the audience at the end of our set. As I prepared to get ready for the Jazz band show, I once again took her in my arms and hugged her and told her I knew we were sure to be the winners this year.

And no one saw it as unusual for me to be so touchy-feely with my best friend. After all, we were always really close and it was a very exciting time for the both of us. Naomi had just had her best performance yet and we were doing amazing and everything was going incredibly well.

What no one, especially us two did not expect was for us to skip out of the final announcement, without permission and head over to the arboretum at the University where we were playing just to talk to each other and be alone.

"Do you think anyone will notice that we are gone?"

"Hardly…Panda and Effy are snogging around with their men and everyone else celebrating…I think we are safe here."

The place was amazingly beautiful and she did not stop holding my hand the entire time we were there. We looked at the different kinds of flowers and we sipped the sodas that we had stolen from the the band buses' cooler after the jazz band competition.

"I am really really gonna miss all of this next year…when we are both big college girls and won't have time just to sit and talk like this about life…we will be so busy with our school work…" she said sitting down on a bench next to a very beautiful shade of an Arabic styled tree.

"That's if the army lets me go to college Naoms…" I said, remembering what I had gone to do with my dad just about a week before everything had started.

"What?...you're kidding right?"

"No…I am not…you know what my plan is…I am a cadet, I am going to boot camp when I graduate and then…you know…wherever they send me…"

"To boot camp?...I thought you were joking about that!" she said clearly upset, as she removed her hand from mine and got up from the bend.

"Naomi, you knew I was going to enroll after high school…you knew I had always wanted to serve and that I am going to serve just like my dad did…why are you acting so surprised?"

She stopped for a minute a took a breath. It was almost as if she could not breath because as she tried to talk to me I could see her gasping for her, as if her lungs were given up on her or something.

I could not see her like that and my immediate reaction was to take her in my arms and hold her. And when I did, I felt her pull me into her so desperately that I could not hold back the tears from my eyes.

She was crying, just like I was. And I did not know how to calm her down except to tell her it was okay and that all was going to be okay. I tried assuring her that I was only going to be gone for a few weeks after we graduated to boot camp and then after that I was going to try to remain local.

"I spoke to Kieran about joining the army band and he told me he could help make sure I stay here. And you know my dad has contacts too…you don't have to worry Campbell…I'll be just fine…"

"There's a war going on Emily Fitch..you won't be JUST fine…you can't do this to me, okay? You need to just…not go…you just need to just forget about this whole stupid army thing and just go college like the rest of us…"

"I can't just forget this Naomi…" I pulled away from her to catch her eyes. "I've have a commitment."

"No you don't…you can't just feel like you must join this thing just to please your dad, Emily….just because Fitches are soldiers doesn't mean you have to be one…let James take on the Fitch name…he's a boy… you're not."

"Stop it Naomi…stop, okay? Stop calling it this "thing" and stop demeaning my ability to be good at this. This is what I want. I have wanted to serve ever since I could remember and I am not going to just give it up just because…"

"Not even for me?"

"For you?"

I wasn't sure what she meant by that. For a few days now she had pretended she did not know what had happened between us and now she was throwing this in my face and I wasn't sure what it was she was trying to pull. But what Naomi did not know was that she was pulling my heart strings with that question.

I looked into her eyes and I wanted to say that I'd do anything that she asked me to, but I couldn't say it. And It wasn't because I did not want to. In fact, that was the exact moment I knew I was incomprehensibly head over heels in love with Naomi Campbell, because I had never in my life…not even when mom pleaded, not when dad was shot in the leg in Iraq and we were scared he couldn't make it, or when the cadets were striking me down for being short or a girl that I had wanted to quit my dream so much…and it was all for her.

"I can't" I said looking straight down at the floor, knowing well enough that having signed the papers I really could not…even legally, get out of serving my full term. "I am sorry."

For a moment she stayed quietly staring at me and I did not know what to do. I could see the sadness and the rage in her eyes because she was certain that I wasn't going to back out from all of this. She looked like she wanted to yell, or throw things or just…hit me…but all she could do was stare and it was so distressing that I did not know exactly what to do with it.

After a minute of quietly staring at one another, she said the most unexpected thing ever.

"I know what happened in the uniform room during the hump party, Ems" she said looking straight at me. And I actually felt my heart melt as I finally heard what I wanted to know for a few days now. Except what followed wasn't exactly what I had dreamt she would tell me.

"I guess maybe, after what happened, I expected to be more than just your number 24."

* * *

Fifth period was really long that day and I could think about was what I was feeling for Emily. I had no desire to think of anything else and I spent the entire time doodling the letter E on to each and every single page on my notebook like a crazy little middle school girl in love with Justin Bieber, or some shit. It was just so random, so dumb and at the same time so incredibly beautiful that I found myself doing nothing but smiling and caressing the doodles on my notebook the entire time.

"Maxxie Oliver is gay…and so are you…That's an E, not an M…I know about you and Emily" is what I was able to read out of JJ's note as he watch me doodle on my notebook during class.

"You what?" I said loud enough for even the teacher to look up and tell us to shush during reading time.

"I saw you two during hump day…you don't have to hide it. I am your friend, Naomi."

As the bell rung I took JJ by the arm a bit violently and escorted him out in back of the freshmen classrooms so that he can tell me what exactly it was he had seen.

"And then I saw her fighting to put your shirt back on and you kept on kissing her and telling her you should take this back to her house and she told you it was time to go home now."

"Kissing her?"

"Yea…you were kissing her and she would kiss you back for a bit but then you'd fall over…she'd pick you back up and took you back to her car and drove off with you."

I could not contain my anger and my confusion and left JJ alone mid sentence and walked over to my locker to pick up all my stuff. Suddenly all these thoughts and pieces of memories of that night were running through my head and I wasn't sure if I was making it up or if they were real.

I did not even wait for the school bus and instead I went to the band room and took my flute and then took the city bus home. I told Kieran that I wasn't feeling well and he said I should go get some sleep and try to rest those nerves and that I was going to do great the next day.

I then remembered the competition and looked up at the sky for a minute without knowing what to do with my life.

"I am not…gay" I said to myself rather loudly. If it wasn't because I was halfway through the football field about to catch the city bus on the other side I think everyone at school may have just heard me yelling at myself and assuring myself that JJ had to be a liar.

But I knew he wasn't. And in the city bus I was hyperventilating and just remembering all those things that had happened with Emily that night. And each moment after that now made more sense than ever. This was why I had been so nervous about sleeping next to her the next day. This was why I was freaking out about every little thing she had told me. This was why I was so nervous when she had just walked me to class or when she'd look at me. Could I have feelings for Emily? Could I be like…in love with her? It couldn't be true.


	4. Chapter 4

I arrived at home to find mom on the couch reading some pamphlets about Alcoholics Anonymous. It turned out she had been going to meetings for the past couple of days but I had not even noticed because I was way too busy doing my own thing to even care for her.

We had a long talk about all that was happening and I was completely truthful with her about my fears of her drinking and how I did not want to end up alone if something were to happen to her.

She talked to me about finding comfort in God and having him change her ways and letting go of all those things that were killing her inside.

For once I felt like she could sort of understand me, even though we weren't going through the same things and she did not even know anything about what was going on with Emily. These feelings for Emily were not new and I had been able to control them for a really really long time but now that JJ had revealed that missing piece and I was starting to remember bits and pieces from that night…things had gone completely out of hand.

"Maybe I should try finding God too…can I go to your meeting tonight?"

And that is how I ended up in church that night with mom at the AA meeting. I hadn't been to the church since Dad was still with us and it felt bitter sweet and at the same time kind of betraying. I felt odd being there and I had a sense that everyone in there could somehow tell what I had been doing with Emily Fitch just a few days before in the uniform room at the Roundview High School Band room. But no one did. No one there could really understand and I thought maybe even God wasn't able to understand…even least forgive me.

I looked up at heaven and told him…"y'know, I don't wanna be gay…I don't wanna be something that I know will make me suffer so much…even before it starts"

But before I could even utter another word I saw someone sit next to me on the bench and say hello.

"Maxxie!"

"Naomi…how's it going, girl?"

That's right…Maxxie Oliver, possibly the only person in this place that could understand what it was I was feeling was actually sitting right next to me. I looked up at heaven and smiled because I knew somehow my prayer was being answered.

"Not the best day of my life Max…I really could use some guidance right now like you wouldn't believe."

"You're not my number anything Naomi…you're just…you're just my…my Naomi…"

She clearly knew exactly what had gone on because she did not waste a single moment before she pulled me over toward her and started to kiss me. She kissed me with such angst that I could almost feel her trying to convince me to forget about the army and just run away with her.

"I can't…I can't…I just can't help myself…I am sorry."

I obviously could not contain myself either and I just pulled her into me and kissed her right back.

"It's okay…" I told her while kiss her carressing her and then kissing her face. "It's alright….we are okay"

We stayed like that for a long time, just in each other's arms…not wanting to let go.

"I don't wanna lose you…" She said very sadly while kissing me slowly and desperately.

"You won't lose me…love…you'll never lose me…okay?

"Promise?"

"Promise."

For a long time we stayed in each others arms and did not say anything at all, because we simply could do noting more than just stare and kiss each other very sweetly. That is, until she looked back at the hallways where the competition was now coming to an end and pointed at the fact that we had to get going before someone started to truly miss us.

"Alright, let's go" I said holding her by the waist and walking with her toward where the band buses were parked.

"Before we go, I've got one question…" she said a bit smilying while I filled her mouth with kisses.

"Are we going to tell everyone about…y'know…us…"

"Do you want to tell them?"

"I don't know…I am just…this is all really new for me. I had never liked…y'know…"

"A girl…"

"yea"

"Are you ashamed?" I said stopping our walk for a minute to wipe my lipstick off her lips.

"No…not at all…I just don't want it to become the circus that it always does when some people in band start to date each other, y'know…everyone gossiping, everyone in your business…you know this won't outlive us anytime soon. I bet even Katie would know about it before we get back to school tonight.

"I know…" I said without really knowing what else to say. Naomi was right, this was huge and I knew that being who we were everyone was going to make such a huge deal out of it. Was almost not worth telling anyone.

"Well, what if we just keep it quiet for bit…" She said smiling cheekly.

"Like some kind of secret affair or something?" I said intrigued.

"Yea..yea…I guess that might have it's kink, don't you think? The band captain and the soloist having an affair no one knows about…"

"Oh yea…that sounds so sexy…gezzuz we are band geeks…" I said laughing really loudly while I kept kissing her every time I could.

"We sure as hell are…"

But even though it sounded so bland and boring, this whole "keeping it behind closed doors" thing was kind of exciting and it only took a few days for us both to find out how exciting a little bit of secrecy might bring.

* * *

"Where the heck were you two last night? Don't tell me you were smoking jamaican weed again…."

"Effy"

"Isn't that what you kids are calling it these days?

"Dude, seriously stop being such a bitch…"

"I am NOT being a bitch..I am being serious…you both took off when we got to school and everyone was wondering what was going on. Even Pandora was like…something is fishy, I know something smells like cat poo…with these two" She said mocking Pandora's voice a bit.

I could not even pay attention to what Effy was saying, I was in such a high. Naomi and I had spent the greatest night ever together and it was like ten thousand times more wonderful than I had ever expected it.

"oh my gosh…Effy…I love her so much…It'd take her to Spain right now and just marry her if I could!" I said to hugging Effy and giving her a kiss in the cheek, while she pulled me away and gave me a disgusted look. "

"Oh, you lesbians, with the uhauling…"

"What the fuck is the uhauling?"

"What does a lesbian take on a second date?" She said with a smug face.

"I don't know…what?"

"The u haul truck"

I had forgotten how Effy would constantly joke about all that she had learned during her very exciting and short journey through the world of lesbianism. She had a very short affair with one of her brother's psycho friend name Cassie for like three days and I was the only person in the whole world….aside from Cassie, that knew what had gone on. From then and there she swore she knew more about lesbians than anyone else and when I had told her my feelings for Naomi, she had been so supportive that she was just about ready to push the poor girl into my arms every which way she could."

"Oh gosh…not another lesbian guru joke…for the sake of my sanity Elizabeth Stonem…you are NOT the fucking yoda of Lesbianism…"

"I fucking know more than you…" she said laughing at me.

"Not after last night, you don't" I said confidently...

"Oh shitttt…see…now you gotta give me details" she said opening a beer and passing me a cigarrette.

"I will NOT tell you what happened last night…what are you crazy? That shit is all for me…"


	5. Chapter 5

I could not stop thinking of what happened with Emily yesterday, it was all so wonderful. I arrived home early in the morning to find mom making coffee for me and her and helped her make breakfast and head off to work.

Before I knew it was back in bed and even if I had not slept the entire night, I could not fall asleep. I was in seventh heaven.

I could not forget the way Emily bit her lip and closed the door to her room before taking me over to her bed and making love to me so many times…it was all so magnificent.

"You look so beautiful when you sleep" she said to me while holding me in her arms and kissing my forhead after we made love for the umptenth time.

"I am not sleeping…I am just resting my eyes…" I said, as she slightly placed a kiss on each one of my eyelids just to make me smile.

"I know you're not asleep…this isn't the first time we sleep next to one another Campbell…"

I bit my lip and held even tighter into her and just imagined her watching me sleep all those times I had stayed over her house or we had had to share a bed during the band trips.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone…"I said laughing at her.

"Tell anyone what?"

"That Cadet Major Fitch is nothing but a bit mushy marshmellow that likes to watch me sleep when I don't know about it."

"You wouldn't…" she said laughing at the way I mocked her military persona.

"Of course I wouldn't…I love this side of you…major mushy-mush" I said while kissing her nose and touching my face with hers.

"I love all sides of you, especially this side" she said smacking me right in the ass really really hard. "

"Mmmm…Major Fitch, are you gonna have me do some push ups for you too?…I think I might like that…"

"Yea, one hundred of those pussy-ass girl push-ups you used to do in band camp…right…"

"Ass down, Campbell" I said mocking her like she used to yell at all of us when she had to have us do push ups during band camp.

I loved her laughing…I loved to see her laugh because her voice would get all hoarse and high pitched and she was unable to finish her sentences from the laughter.

This was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. I had never felt so wonderful in my entire life.

But even wonderful doesn't last forever and sometimes we must learn that love isn't as great and peachy as everyone thinks it is. True love takes time.

"Do you mind if we stay like this, for a while" I said pushing in between her legs and playing with her nipples while she pushed the hair back out of my face.

"Of course we could, love…for a while…"

* * *

The beginning of a relationship is usually rather wonderful because it is that time that the couple is learning, exploring and sensing each and ever little part of the other person. To us this excitement may have been multiplied by a million as not only were we learning all these new things about each other but we were also doing it behind everyone's back.

The excitement of kissing behind closed doors, giving each other flirty looks, playing footsies and even just holding hands while no one was looking was an incredible asset to our newfound love. Being with Emily was phenomenal and she was always willing to give so much more than I expected from her.

From the day we started our romance together we were inseparable and every morning I would wake up earlier than usual just to get to her house and make my baby her breakfast.

Sometimes I'd even get there before the boys left for school and work and I'd take care of all the Fitches, one thing that I did not mind and that I sometimes felt was actually something Rob appreciated since he clearly had no idea what he was doing after Jenna was gone.

Emily on the other hand was more than grateful for having me there and she'd make her best effort to make me feel so loved and taken care of, that even people at school started to notice.

"Here, I think she left pulp in your drink, I"ll go exchange it for you…" said Emily taking my orange juice from me since she knew how much I hated it the pulp.

"Awww…you guys…" Pandora would say taking with a deep sigh as if she knew what had been going on the entire time and was just waiting on us to tell her.

"Us guys what?" Emily said after bringing a drink back to me and sitting next to me on the table with Pandora and Thomas.

"You are so cute, you're almost like an old married couple…here, let me refresh your drink darling…" she said mocking Emily's voice slightly. "Why don't you ever go freshen my drink, darn Jamaican!"

Panda's comment was a little off, especially considering that we had this thing in secret for the last few weeks now. Or at least we thought so. We looked at each other and noticed we were sitting so close together that we had not stopped touch one another's feet the entire time we were sitting at the table.

"Oh lay off the poor boy…If you want I'll go freshen your drink too, darling…" said Emily taking Panda's juice and exchanging it for another one as well.

I knew she was trying to coy about this entire thing but the fact that Panda and possibly Thomas knew what was up between us meant that maybe we weren't being as discreet as we had anticipated.

And this is why I was suddendly very uncomfortable when Emily took me to the back fo the instrument room and started to kiss my neck while pulling her hands down my pants and telling me she missed the night before.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this here anymore, Ems…"

"Why not?" She stopped suddendly.

"I don't know…I didn't like the comment that Pandora made this morning during breakfast…do you think maybe she knows something?"

"Well if she knows,who cares…she's one of our best friends, y'know…she was bound to know eventually…"

"Right, but what if other people know?…what if we are in here kissing and everyone outside is just waiting for us to get out and they know what we've been doing?"

"So?" She said while she remained pulling my underwear down along with me pants and began kissing close to my navel…

"So? Do you don't care? This isn't…normal, you know…"

"Normal?"

"This we are doing…."

"Kissing?"

"Emily you know what we are doing here is more than just kissing…stop playing stupid, okay?"

"OK, fine…so we are doing more than kissing…who cares if everyone knows…it's about time, don't you think?"

"No…no…I don't think…" I said nervously pulling away from her a bit. "I don't wanna be caught doing this and then everyone finds out and they all start to talk and soon or later the whole school knows…"

"Babe…babe…please stop…okay?"

"No" I said, pushing away from her and pulling up my pants rather violently while I started to walk out.

"Naomi…Naoms…please…wait…."

But I ran out of the room and outside the bandroom into the hallways to catch my breath. All of a sudden the thought of everyone knowing was completely drowning and I could not handle it. I felt like I was having a panic attack and when I saw Emily walk out to get me and try to hold me, I pushed her away and just walked fast without looking back.

I did not wanna see her right now. I was having a severe panic attack and I felt like I was dying. I felt like my heart was pumping at a million miles a minute and that soon it was going to explode and I was going to die a horrifying death.

I ran into the bathroom and started to splash water on my face as I heard the door open and saw Emily walk in with a very worried face.

"Naoms….please don't do this.."

"Leave me alone….okay? Please don't touch me. Go away Emily! GO FUCKING AWAY!"


	6. Chapter 6

I really wish I knew exactly what is going on with Naomi now, but I really haven't been able to figure it out.

It's been almost a week since the incident with Pandora and her walking away while we were in the instrument room and it's almost as if she hates to even see me walk into a room. She spends the entire time trying to avoid me, in fact she doesn't even attend first or sixth period anymore and I think it's because she doesn't want to be near me.

I really wish I knew what to do. I could only see her during the band period and then she just sits there and looks at her sheet music the entire time and pretends I don't even exist, even though I am sitting right next to her.

If she'd only let me talk to her…if she'd only tell me what it is that I did wrong I would fix it in a heart beat. I really can't figure out, for the life of me, what it was that I did.

"I don't know what to tell you bud…I think you should just give her time."

"Time for what Effy? If I even knew what it was that's going on with her I'd certainly do whatever it was she needs me to do…but she won't even look at me, even less talk to me. I really…I don't know what to do anymore."

"Hang in there…I know she'll come around."

"If you want, I could talk to her…see what's up…If you don't mind, of course…"

"That's okay Panda…it's very sweet of you but she won't talk to anyone…I think she wants to be left alone…"

Even Panda knew what was going on now. Of course she knew…she knew and everyone else also knew that there was something going on between Naoms because we couldn't help it. Even when we had tried to be secretive, we just couldn't keep away from one another and the smiles and the gestures…the chemistry was so intense that it was obvious we were the only ones that did not want to see that everyone knew we were in love.

"I think maybe you should let Panda talk to her…after all, she knows her the longest and maybe can get her to give us at least a hint on what's going on."

I sat for a minute and thought about what Effy was saying and maybe she was right. Panda may have been awkward and sometimes way too naïve but she was a great friend to all of us and she did have a great bond with Naomi, ever since she had returned back to Roundview our sophomore year.

"Yes…ok…yes…talk to her Panda. But just…don't tell her that I asked about it…just…pretend you're just concerned yourself or something. I just know how she is and I know that if you mention anything about Effy and I she's gonna close off and then we will never know what's happening. "

"OK, if that's what you want…Just keep calm Ems…things will work out between you too. You're Naomily….you know…things for you too just…work out."

Panda arrived at my house late at night with a box of powdered mini doughnuts and a huge Doritos bag. It had been so long since her and I had sat down in my house and watched TV and eaten this infernal concoction of sugar and fat that soon we were laughing at each other for having eaten way too much and feeling like we were going to puke.

For the first time in a while I was actually laughing and I loved that about Pandora, that she always made me laugh. I actually missed having these times with her. Ever since I had become permanently attached to Emily's hip and she had started to date Thommo we really did not have much time alone together. And I really, truly missed it.

"Remember that time we were making all those sandwiches for the long band trip and we ended up eating more than half of them while watching the marathon of _The Biggest Loser_?"

"Oh my gosh…we were such pigs. Watching these people trying to lose weight and eating like at least 30 sandwiches in one sitting…oh my…what a pain afterward…"

"Oh…to be young again" said Pandora taking a sip of tea while throwing away the last bit of the powdered doughnuts and Doritos into the garbage bin.

"Hey we aren't THAT old…we are just 17...don't be so drastic"

"Well I feel 70 right now with this heart burn…we certainly can never eat this way again in our entire lives…we are too old for shit, Murdoch…"

I laughed and burped and made a face to her while laying back down on the couch and rubbing my stomach.

"I don't know how I am going to fit into my fucking prom dress if I keep on eating this way Naoms…you and I both…"

I had forgotten about prom. Not that to me it had ever been such a big deal to attend it, but now that I had friends and an actual life outside my room I had been contemplating the idea with a rather bit of illusion. Especially after Emily and I had been making plans for the after weekend at the beach like it was customary and we had even booked a hotel room for us and our friends…but it was all kind of pointless to think about.

"Did you get your dress already?" I asked Panda, trying to avoid thinking about Emily even for a minute. I had been trying to do so since that day and even I did know why it was that I was so mad at her and did not want to see her.

"Actually, Effy, Emily, you and I were due to go shopping for our dresses together tomorrow…it's the prom sales event at the Westdale mall and all prom stuff is gonna be really really priced down…"

"I never agreed to going anywhere tomorrow…"

"You did, you just can't remember it because…well frankly, your memory is crap"

"I know…I know my memory is crap but..I don't know Panda…I actually don't feel like going to go shopping and…you know…"

"I know you don't wanna see Emily…but.."

"It's not that" I stopped her before she could go on with this conversation.

"I just haven't been feeling much like doing anything lately and I actually don't even think I am going to go to prom at all…"

"What?...but you HAVE to go to prom…you cant' just back out on us now Naomi…"

"I am not backing out Panda…it's just that…prom is like a couples thing and you have Thommo and Effy has Freds and I just…"

"You have Emily…"

"No…no…no I don't have Emily...I have no one to go with, okay? It's kind of embarrassing and I know it's stupid but I don't wanna go by myself and just spent the entire time sitting at the table staring at you all dance…you know my dancing sucks…it's just…no fun for me."

"But it's senior prom, darn it! C'mon…don't be a fucking party-pooper…what if we all just go as a group…"

"I don't know…I just don't wanna go…I just don't feel like going anywhere…I just wanna stay home…alright? Now please go before mom gets home and sees this mess and just has a hissy-fit."

"Fine…I'll go…but you know what…everyone thinks I am some kind of awkward nerdy girl that walks around pretending nothing is ever wrong...but I am not. I notice shit Naomi…and I know about what's going on between you and Emily. And don't even think about claiming that Effy or Emily had told me anything because they didn't. "

"Panda…I…"

"Don't Panda…I…me…I have known what's been going on since before you two knew…everyone fucking knows and you gotta stop being such a fucking idiot about it. Don't you know that the fucking girl is out there mopping around like a zombie not knowing what to do because she has no idea what it was that she did to you?"

"Like a zombie?"

"She hasn't slept, she doesn't eat…she just smokes and drinks and cries with Effy and I and you're here fucking playing victim Naoms…stop always being the fucking victim. So you're a fucking lesbian…big fucking woop…at least you've got someone to love you. You know how hard it is to find someone to love you the way Emily loves you Naomi Campbell? You know what…I am out of here. I can't stand your stupid ass right now. You are just being a fucking prick…end of story."

* * *

We are alone in her room that morning without wanting to do anything else but snuggle and kiss and talk to each other, as if nothing else even mattered anymore.

Rob had taken James out into a boy scouts trip over the weekend and we had the place to ourselves and I had told my mom I was staying over at Emily's so that we could practice my solo as much as I could before the final state's show.

I turned the AC off as she kept it colder than I liked it and snuggled back into bed with her laptop in my hand and asked her not to delay this thing any longer.

"We only have a few weeks left and if we don't book it now, we aren't going to have a place to stay babe…you know how it is at the beach on prom weekend."

"I know"

She pulled me away from her laptop and started to kiss me again. She actually could never stop kissing me for more than a minute when we were alone together.

"C'mon Ems…let's get this done now and I promise…we could continue this in the shower afterward…."

"In the shower, eh?" she said turning her laptop back on and logging onto a hotel website.

"So do you think two rooms will be enough for all of us…I actually would rather just have a room for ourselves if you don't mind…"

"I was thinking the same thing, but you know that everyone will wonder about the room alone…"

"Who cares…I'll tell them I need my sleep or something…I just wanna be alone with you…all day…every day…for as long as I possibly can…"

I smiled at her and started to look for another room to stay with together. One that had one of those huge spa bath tubs and a California king size bed. While it was true that we had our times alone in her room…being with Emily at the beach, during prom weekend was kind of exciting and I wanted it to be special.

So we spent all afternoon looking for the perfect room and planning on the things we may do to one another during that weekend coming up. And then afterward, as promised we took a long shower together and call the girls over to have a few drinks.

It was all so wonderful and so sweet and so…incredible…I did not want to stop thinking about it. I just wanted to lie there now in my bed and just close my eyes and think about each second I had spent with Emily. I really wish things were just easier and that I wasn't so scared. I really wish I wasn't being such a prick, like Pandora had mentioned. She was right…I was being an asshole. I had to take it all back before it was too late. But how?


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't know why you are all dragging me into this…I don't feel like doing this shit today."

I really did not feel like going shopping with Effy and Pandora for prom dresses, but I also did not feel like staying home and having to pretend I still had the flu so that dad could stop asking me why I was mopping around so much with a stuffy nose.

What I really wanted to do was see Naomi, but by the looks of it Pandora's visit to her house hadn't made a huge difference. Or at least we thought it hadn't.

"Hi girls…" she said standing right behind me as we walked into one of our favorite shoe shops at the mall. "I thought I might find you here."

"Naomi, you came." said Pandora…running to give her a huge and smiling at me as if she was happier than either one of us to see us reunited one more time.

"Well, I figured I'd take advantage of the bargains or else I might not be able to go to prom this year…and that'd be a shame, right?"

"So you're going?"

She was going. SHE was going. She WAS going! I thought I might just start to jump up and down in one leg from the excitement of hearing that she had decided to join us and to go to prom and just to even be remotely near me. It had only been a few days but I felt like I hadn't seen her in like at least 10 years.

She did something to her hair or her face or she'd lost weight. Something was odd and something was more beautiful and strange and I missed her so much. I wanted to just hug her and kiss and her and tell her to stop being so frigging stupid. I wasn't going to let anything get in our way. I was going to do whatever she wanted. I just wanted her nearby. I just wanted her close to me…forever.

"What'd you do to your hair?" Effy asked after she noticed the death of silence between the four of us.

"Oh…I darkened it a bit this morning…I thought I needed a change…do you like it?"

"You look beautiful" I said without helping myself.

"Thank you…I wasn't sure it was going to look…but I just felt like…what the heck…sometimes you just got to take a leap before you chicken out of it all, right?"

We all knew she wasn't referring to her hair, but we all ignored it and started just being us again. We went through the shoe store and tried on quite possibly every pair of shoe in there and then raided the rest of the stores looking for prom accessories, dresses, etc.

Her and I spend the entire time glancing at each other nervously as if neither of us was able to break the ice and start talking. But this really wasn't much of a place to talk about it all. This was just an icebreaker and we knew that we eventually had to talk but I think, up to a point, we were enjoying this moment of ambiguity because it meant we didn't have to face anything that scared us, yet we were able to just enjoy time together…even if it was just talking about dresses, and shoes and prom.

* * *

I was way too nervous or way too mesmerized by what even I was doing there with her, but before I could even think of it twice we had dumped Panda and Effy at the tuxedo store and had managed to find a place of our own to talk privately.

"I got you the medium, because I know how you never finish it all and then I gotta eat it the rest…my stomach is kinda gross today" she said to me while handing me a cup full of the gelato that we both liked so much.

"It's fine…thank you" I said grabbing it from her hand and then sitting down on the benches outside of the store where Effy and Panda were picking out the matching tuxedos for Freds and Thommo.

"I am sorry I have been such a…prick lately" I said taking a bit of the gelato into my mouth and looking into her eyes that hadn't stopped staring at me since I had arrived to the mall a lot earlier.

"I just…"

"Wait" I said, placing my hand on her mouth so that she could let me finish my sentence.

"This whole thing with us…it's just all very overwhelming and…and new…and…you know, I am just not at ease with these sorts of things as you usually are, Ems…"

"I know" she said very softly as she took my hand off her mouth and held it down on the bench and played a bit with my fingers.

"Everything has been going really fast for me and I think I've just…confused it all…" I said taking a breath and trying to stare at my gelato so that I couldn't see her reaction.

"Confused?"

"Yes…confused… I just need time to think…by myself…"

"Think about what?"

"That's exactly what I don't know…I don't WHAT feelings I have for you…I know there are feelings but I just…I am not like you Emily…I am not sure, like you are…"

She stayed quiet for a minute and just stared at me as if she wanted to figure out whether this was all a sick joke of mine.

"Come to prom with me…" she said as she moved closer to me and now held my hand tightly, something that made so nervous I thought I was going to pass out.

"I can't Ems…"

"Why not?"

"I don't know Emily…I am just…maybe we should just try to be friends, for now"

"We say that, don't we?"

Once again there was a quiet moment in which she just started at me in pure and utter unbelief. I knew what she was thinking because every time I looked at her, her eyes would reveal the pain she felt upon hearing what I was telling her. But I couldn't help myself.

"Come to prom with me as my date, babe" she said again almost pleading me with her eyes.

"I am sorry…I just can't."

"Why not?"

"Because…won't things ever be complicated?"

"Why?...because you like boys too?"

"Maybe I only like boys…apart from you…"

"Oh, that's fucking great!" She said, getting up from the bench and throwing the rest of her gelato into a garbage bin nearby. "You're so in touch with yourself, aren't you Naomi?"

I took a deep breath and tried not looking at her because I knew that if I did she might just convince me to go on with this thing that made my life so unbelievably complicated.

"Come to prom with me…"

I shook my head and bit my lip and just stared out into space while she grabbed her purse from the bench and just started to leave.

"Don't do that" I said…knowing that I didn't want her to go away mad at me because of all this.

"No…you don't do that…I am not your fucking experiment!"

And then she took off and left me behind with the cup of melted gelato in my hand and without knowing exactly what to do with myself.

I knew what I was doing right at that moment was horrible but I was just so scared of the consequences and of allowing myself to fall back into this whole thing with Ems. I knew that I did love her, but I wasn't sure that this love was okay…or where this will take us…everything up to this point had been so confusing that I really knew at the time was that I just felt like running far far away…and maybe never coming back.


	8. Chapter 8

"She left" I said to the girls who seemed disappointed to see me sitting alone outside the tuxedo store still staring at my melted gelato.

"Did you at least get a chance to talk?" Said Pandora to me without holding back her anger because she knew me too well and knew that I had probably messed things up with her once again...because I tended to mess things up quite very easily.

"We did talk…she just…didn't take it too well…"

Panda left to find Emily while Effy took a cigarette out of her case, lit it and handed it to me…

"You know I don't smoke cigarettes Eff…"

"I know…but I thought maybe you should start…"

I looked at her and took the cigarette from her and started to smoke it without thinking about it twice. This was the single hardest day of my fucking life, yet, and maybe taking up smoking wasn't the worse idea of my life. Lord knows I needed a smoke right about now.

The next couple of weeks were the longest in my life as I now had to face the inevitable. I had to sit next to her in band and behind her both in civics and English and we had to pretend that everything was alright in front of our friends and even her family.

But everything wasn't alright, and I could it see it Emily's face because she looked at me with sad eyes and tried avoiding me as much as she possibly could.

I knew I had broken her heart and that there was nothing that I could do to mend things up, unless it involved telling her that I had made a mistake. But I was too much of a coward to do that.

And as time passed by, it was more and more evident that it would be harder to apologize to her and that my chances at having her forgive me very easily were slim to none.

Without the company of Emily every single day I took to going to the meetings with my mom and befriending Maxxie even more because he was the only person in the world that actually understood what I was going through.

"How are you feeling today, Camby?" He would say every time he saw me arrive with a sour face and sit next to him in the church office to wait for mom to finish her meeting.

"You know…same shit, new day Maximilian"

Max and I would talk for hours and he was a very amusing guy, so easy to talk to, so down to earth and open about all questions that were going through my head. But even though I knew from everyone that Maxxie was gay and that he was bound to be the perfect person to advise me on all that was happening with me, I was afraid to ask him anything about this whole subject.

The feelings I had for Emily and the troubled emotions that I felt about her being a girl were really taking a toll on me. And all that I had learned during the years that I had attended church, plus all the things that mom was now constantly talking about were making a sort of jambalaya of emotions in the back of my mind that only made me regret the day I laid eyes on Emily Fitch and her stupid beautiful red hair.

"Oh Camby…things will one day get better…but you must allow the Lord to work them out" Max used to say to me before I left the office and went home for the night with Gina by my side.

"Do you really think they will?"

"Only if you let them…" he'd say smiling back knowing very well why I was suddenly so sad.

Maybe Max wasn't as naive as I paved him out to be, and neither was anyone else. Maybe the only one that was making a huge deal out of this whole thing was stupid old me.

* * *

So finally it was the Friday before prom night and I did not have a date at all. Panda was going with Thommo and Effy was of course sown to Fred's hip and I did not have anyone to go with. I hadn't heard from Naomi in a few days and I thought for sure she wasn't even going to show up so I had finally decided to put my _mental fapping_ behind and realize that things were just going to remain this way until the end of time.

Things were never going to be the same and I was going to end up alone because everyone at school was essentially already set up with someone else and I had no choice but to seek the help of the most unexpected person out there.

"Please go with me, Cookie…I swear, I'll pay you…I'll rent you the tux, whatever…I just need to have a date and not be the only loser in the entire band to show up alone to this stupid thing…"

"I am sorry Emilio…I can't…you know I am going Stag to this thing…everyone knows it. The cookie monster won't be confined to just the one girl during the biggest shag-a-thon Roundview has seen all year…no sir…if I go as your date all them girls that are waiting to dip this cookie in their milk will be ever so disappointed…"

"Ugh…you are such an asshole Cook…a disgusting, self-righteous asshole…who the fuck am I supposed to go with now? No one in this god-forsaken school does NOT have a date to this stupid-ass prom."

"I don't have a date Emsy…"

Yes…maybe not everyone did not have a date. JJ did not have one either but I had been regretting having to go to JJ for this favor because I knew he had a crush on both me and Katie ever since we were in like elementary school and I wasn't about to make his weird, psychotic, wet-dream become a reality for the life of me.

"Thanks Jay…I just…I think I rather just maybe not go to this event…it's stupid anyway. I'll just fake a stomach virus or something and fucking stay home and challenge James on the PlayStation all night. "

"I can't let you do that Emsy…trust me…you MUST go..."

I wasn't sure why Jay was being so secretive all of a sudden, but apparently he knew something I didn't know and was eager to reveal it all to me.

"Why are you whispering to me JJ?...why is it that MUST go?"

Because Naomi is gonna go with Maxxie Oliver and you can't afford for her to lie to herself anymore. Maxxie is obvious gay and so are you…and you love Naomi…and when you love someone, you can't just let them go on lying to themselves…you can't just let them go."


	9. Chapter 9

"She left" I said to the girls who seemed disappointed to see me sitting alone outside the tuxedo store still staring at my melted gelato.

"Did you at least get a chance to talk?" Said Pandora to me without holding back her anger because she knew me too well and knew that I had probably messed things up with her once again...because I tended to mess things up quite very easily.

"We did talk…she just…didn't take it too well…"

Panda left to find Emily while Effy took a cigarette out of her case, lit it and handed it to me…

"You know I don't smoke cigarettes Eff…"

"I know…but I thought maybe you should start…"

I looked at her and took the cigarette from her and started to smoke it without thinking about it twice. This was the single hardest day of my fucking life, yet, and maybe taking up smoking wasn't the worse idea of my life. Lord knows I needed a smoke right about now.

The next couple of weeks were the longest in my life as I now had to face the inevitable. I had to sit next to her in band and behind her both in civics and English and we had to pretend that everything was alright in front of our friends and even her family.

But everything wasn't alright, and I could it see it Emily's face because she looked at me with sad eyes and tried avoiding me as much as she possibly could.

I knew I had broken her heart and that there was nothing that I could do to mend things up, unless it involved telling her that I had made a mistake. But I was too much of a coward to do that.

And as time passed by, it was more and more evident that it would be harder to apologize to her and that my chances at having her forgive me very easily were slim to none.

Without the company of Emily every single day I took to going to the meetings with my mom and befriending Maxxie even more because he was the only person in the world that actually understood what I was going through.

"How are you feeling today, Camby?" He would say every time he saw me arrive with a sour face and sit next to him in the church office to wait for mom to finish her meeting.

"You know…same shit, new day Maximilian"

Max and I would talk for hours and he was a very amusing guy, so easy to talk to, so down to earth and open about all questions that were going through my head. But even though I knew from everyone that Maxxie was gay and that he was bound to be the perfect person to advise me on all that was happening with me, I was afraid to ask him anything about this whole subject.

The feelings I had for Emily and the troubled emotions that I felt about her being a girl were really taking a toll on me. And all that I had learned during the years that I had attended church, plus all the things that mom was now constantly talking about were making a sort of jambalaya of emotions in the back of my mind that only made me regret the day I laid eyes on Emily Fitch and her stupid beautiful red hair.

"Oh Camby…things will one day get better…but you must allow the Lord to work them out" Max used to say to me before I left the office and went home for the night with Gina by my side.

"Do you really think they will?"

"Only if you let them…" he'd say smiling back knowing very well why I was suddenly so sad.

Maybe Max wasn't as naive as I paved him out to be, and neither was anyone else. Maybe the only one that was making a huge deal out of this whole thing was stupid old me.

* * *

So finally it was the Friday before prom night and I did not have a date at all. Panda was going with Thommo and Effy was of course sown to Fred's hip and I did not have anyone to go with. I hadn't heard from Naomi in a few days and I thought for sure she wasn't even going to show up so I had finally decided to put my _mental fapping_ behind and realize that things were just going to remain this way until the end of time.

Things were never going to be the same and I was going to end up alone because everyone at school was essentially already set up with someone else and I had no choice but to seek the help of the most unexpected person out there.

"Please go with me, Cookie…I swear, I'll pay you…I'll rent you the tux, whatever…I just need to have a date and not be the only loser in the entire band to show up alone to this stupid thing…"

"I am sorry Emilio…I can't…you know I am going Stag to this thing…everyone knows it. The cookie monster won't be confined to just the one girl during the biggest shag-a-thon Roundview has seen all year…no sir…if I go as your date all them girls that are waiting to dip this cookie in their milk will be ever so disappointed…"

"Ugh…you are such an asshole Cook…a disgusting, self-righteous asshole…who the fuck am I supposed to go with now? No one in this god-forsaken school does NOT have a date to this stupid-ass prom."

"I don't have a date Emsy…"

Yes…maybe not everyone did not have a date. JJ did not have one either but I had been regretting having to go to JJ for this favor because I knew he had a crush on both me and Katie ever since we were in like elementary school and I wasn't about to make his weird, psychotic, wet-dream become a reality for the life of me.

"Thanks Jay…I just…I think I rather just maybe not go to this event…it's stupid anyway. I'll just fake a stomach virus or something and fucking stay home and challenge James on the PlayStation all night. "

"I can't let you do that Emsy…trust me…you MUST go..."

I wasn't sure why Jay was being so secretive all of a sudden, but apparently he knew something I didn't know and was eager to reveal it all to me.

"Why are you whispering to me JJ?...why is it that MUST go?"

Because Naomi is gonna go with Maxxie Oliver and you can't afford for her to lie to herself anymore. Maxxie is obvious gay and so are you…and you love Naomi…and when you love someone, you can't just let them go on lying to themselves…you can't just let them go."


	10. Chapter 10

"Max Oliver?"

"Yes…"

"Maxxie…gay as a doorknob…Oliver…"

"He's not gay…he goes to church with me…"

"Right" said Effy to me while walking away and leaving me with words still in my mouth, like she loved to do.

"He does"

"I know he does Naomi…He goes to church every single fucking day because he's the fucking preacher's son…but that doesn't exempt him from being a humongous faggot…and you know it."

"Don't talk like that about Maxxie…"

"Naoms…Maxwell Oliver was the fucking captain of the color guard dance team…"

"So…"

"He was the lead in every single gay-ass musical ever produced in Roundview High…"

"So…he's talented…"

"He fucked my brother Tony, okay…"

"He what?"

"On their trip to Russia in their last year of high school…my brother was having some trouble with Michelle and they up and fucked one another and that's how I know he's gay and it's why he couldn't have possibly asked you out on a date…unless you spontaneously grew a penis overnight while no one was looking…"

So Effy wasn't the most subtle person in the world, but she was right about Maxxie. He hadn't asked me to go prom, I had asked him to come with me and I had finally told him everything that had happened with Emily and I.

And I knew he was gay…everyone frigging knew and all he could tell me about it was that I had to stop thinking it over so much and just be happy with who I was.

"Sometimes the people that make you the happiest are the people that least expect, Camby" he said to me while he held me in his arms and tried to comfort me about what was going on with Emily.

"Even I, who seem like I know it all and like I have this perfect life struggle with these every day…and I can tell you for a fact that I wish I could've been braver and maybe TOLD the person that I loved that I loved them…in my own time."

"And why didn't you do it, Max?"

"Guilt…cowardice…shame…"

"Shame?"

"I wasn't sure what I was doing back then and I let it all get out of hand, but if I could take it all back…I would never ever let any of those three things get in the way of my happiness. Just forget about all that fear and let yourself be happy. Trust me when I tell you…one day you'll regret it all if you don't."

* * *

The lights were low in the hallway as I came in on the arm of one of the hottest guys that I had ever gone to Roundview. Yes, he was gay and so was I…but you'd have to admit we were a very stunning couple and everyone had to admit…even Emily noticed it.

"Oh great, here come fucking Prom-date Ken and Barbie"

Max and I walked inside at the astonished face of everyone, except for Effy and Pandora who gave each other looks of disappointment when they noticed I had not gone back on the idea of going to prom with Max.

On the other side of the table, Emily sat next to JJ and she nervously fixed his lapel and she tried not to look at me and Max who wouldn't stop laughing about the way everyone looked at us as we came in.

"You ready?" he said as he sat down next to me and waved over at Effy waved back unenthusiastically and then rolled her eyes.

"Not really…but I guess I got no choice, now …right?"

The night went by so slowly and all I could see was everone's face as they saw Max and hit the dance floor and talk amongst ourselves as if this was a real date. But who I really wanted to see, Emily, was nowhere to be seen since she had almost jumped out of her chair during the first song while taking JJ by the hand and hadn't sat down at all the entire night.

And I think deep inside everyone's mind was the pain I was causing Emily and no one could forgive me. It was as though all of my friends were suddenly living a romance vicariously through me and Emily and they were all broken hearted as seeing us, once so close together, be so far away that we couldn't face on another.

And the night went on, slow song and fast song came and went and as the time passed I only felt even more and more nervous…up the point where I couldn't take it anymore and just had to leave.

"I am sorry Max…I think I need a breather…you wanna come out and smoke with me?"

"You smoke?"

"I usually don't…in fact…I think I may have started like a week ago but I just can't be in here anymore…you could cut the frigging tension with a knife and I am just…ruining everyone's night. I can't even stand myself anymore. I think I might just even go home after this…"

So Max and I walked outside the ballroom into a hallway for a smoke and he lit up while he pulled off his bowed tie and handed me the smoke.

"I will not let you do that…you know you want to see and talk to her all night…I could see it Naomi… I could see that this is killing you and as much as I told you, this was your decision to make…I think you've made it…I just think you're too fucking coward to go through with it, though"

I hate when people were fucking right…I hated being wrong and I hated being stupid and even more than anything…I absolutely, positively hated being the coward that I was.

He threw the smoke on the floor and stepped on it and took my hand to walk toward his car.

"I've got an idea" He said, not even letting me take a breath.

"Yea…do you mind filling me in on it?"

"Yes…look…didn't you tell me you were rented a couple of rooms for everyone for the beach weekend after prom?"

"Yea…I have…we actually did…we paid for them already and all…why?"

"You'll see why" he said turning on the car engine and signaling to jump.

And I didn't know exactly what Maxxie had in mind right now….but I really hoped it was going to fix this whole thing once and for all. I was so sick of it all…I could almost cry.


	11. Chapter 11

"Where the fuck are you taking me Jay?" I said as I tried to figure out why it was that JJ was driving like a frigging maniac down the freeway on our way to the beach.

Prom ceremonies had just ended and he did not even let me say goodbye to anyone as he insisted he needed to head over to the hotel right away because of some issues with the rental agreement.

JJ was really very weird sometimes and often did not make any sense when was nervous…and it was obvious he was very nervous as he may have even quoted Darwin's Origin of the Species, at some point.

"Jay, I think maybe you should slow down…you know…I wanna be alive for my high school graduation next week. "

"You'll be alive and you'll be fine…and we will all be fine Naomily…I am mean…E..E...Em…I mean…"

"Emily"

"Yea…yea…"

"Are you like on some drug or something…I told you not to take any of those pills Freddy was walking around with a couple of hours ago…"

"I didn't…I did…I did NOT…I did not take anything…I just got an important call from the hotel and I don't want the weekend to be messed up so we must go fix it…okay…I'll just be a minute and then all will be fine…okay?"

I closed my eyes for just a minute while he turned into the exit for the beach and in what seem to be warp speed he parked, ran out of the car and pulled me out by my hand.

"I want…room 1221…under Fitch…

"You rented the rooms under my name?"

"No no…this is what Effy gave me…she told me the room was under your name and this is why you should go up there and just…like…just sit there and wait for everyone…because everyone is going to go get…you know…supplies and then head over right after so that we can start our weekend…and everything will be just fine…"

"Fitch, here it is…the top suite…" said the hotel receptionist as he handed JJ the key to the room and smiled randomly at us both…"enjoy your stay"

"You rented the top suite, JJ…I am gonna kill Eff AND You…how much is this gonna be? I am using my mom's credit card to book these…"

"Don't worry,ok?…just…just here" he said handing me the key and walking me to the elevator…"It's on the top floor…the 12th floor…I got to go get something from the car but I'll be right back with everyone…you just go upstairs and just…go up there and stay in there…okay?"

"Alright" I said…looking at him weirdly as the doors of the elevator closed and I nervously pushed the button to the top floor.

"What the fuck is this mental case up to now?" I said to myself while adjusting my dress and looking nervously at the floors light up rapidly.

I did not know what the fuck was suddenly wrong with everyone, but there was something in my stomach that would not stay still. Maybe it was all that had gone on with Naomi…seeing her arrive with the guy…or watching her dance and have fun with him like I would've wanted to. But this wasn't really turning out to be the night I expected it to be. And I was tempted to press the down button and just go get a taxi and go home and just cry the whole week…like I had wanted to for a few days now.

* * *

I was so nervous that I thought I was going to pass out from not breathing when I heard the ding of the elevator right outside the door of the top suite. I knew it was her because I had just received the text from Max and JJ, but I still couldn't help feeling like I was about to fucking throw up from the nerves.

I had never done this for anyone in my life…even less a woman. But I knew that if there was anyone in the world that I might have done this for at this moment and for the rest of time…it was for Emily. Because I loved her…and I had to stop lying to myself about it any longer. I did not like boys…I did not just want to experiment or just wanted to try things out…I knew I loved her. I loved her like I never ever loved anyone else before…and I may have never loved anyone else for the rest of my life.

"I love her…I love her…I love her…"

The door opened and then there she was. She wasn't sure at first exactly what was going on, until she saw me walk toward her and between the subtle shades of light of the hundreds of candles that Max had helped me light just minutes before.

"I loved you from the moment I saw you…I think I was twelve…"

She looked at me without being sure what to say or what to do…because after the entire night trying to catch my attention on the dance floor this was the least she ever expected would happen that night.

"And I remember making my mom change me from schools because I started to feel clearly upset every time I would look at you and you wouldn't even say hello back."

So maybe I had been lying to myself now for so long but I just couldn't help or fight this feeling anymore. I loved her and this was all that mattered anymore.

"And you don't know this…but I joined band because of you…I took flute because of you…I practiced hard just to make sure I sat next to you in the concert setting…"

By this time tears were running down her eyes and all she could do is walk closer and closer to me until our hands held together and we were facing one another…and our foreheads were touching each other and we both cried from complete pain and pleasure of being so close to one another one more time.

"I never knew how to tell you…I just knew that I knew…that I loved you and I just wanted to be nearby and I just prayed and prayed that one day you would love me back..."

I now had my hand caressing her cheek and my nose touching her so slightly that I could feel her trying desperately to breath, since I knew she felt the same way I was feeling right now.

"And then when you did, I was so fucking scared of all that was happening that I did what I always do…I ran away from it all and just made stupid excuses and convinced myself this was all wrong…but it isn't…"

I stated kissing her slowly on the lips as I held her closer and closer to me and it was all so incredible that it left me without oxygen in my lungs and I felt like the only way I was breathing was through her kisses…she was leaving me breathless.

"The only thing that is wrong is not going to prom with…refusing to be with you…and worse of all…not even allowing you a single dance during one of the most important evenings of our young lives….but I won't let that happen. I love you so much that it hurts…but it doesn't matter how much it does hurt because I just want to be near you…always Emily…because…I'd die for you…I'd die if you weren't around."

I then stepped away and took a small remote that was sitting on the bed nearby and I turned it on and started held out my hand…

"Would you grant me this dance, _mi amor_?"

_Seems Like everyone else has a love, just for them... __I don't mind we have such a good time, my best friend... __But sometimes, well, I wish we could be more than friends...__Tell me do you know?...__Tell me...do you know? ohhhhh_

* * *

Authors note: I dedicate this humble story to one of my best friends and someone saw me when I least expected it. Maybe all things don't work out the way we hope so… and life goes on and on…but no matter how much time passes I'll never forget you…and after all, we will always have this song, right, M?


End file.
